SU&SD - Shut Up & Sit Down

Games News! 17/08/15

Paul: They come unseen.

Quinns: …what?

Paul: They come unseen!

Quinns: I’m a bit concerned.

Paul: They Come Unseen! It’s a new hidden movement game designed by an actual Royal Navy submariner! Andrew Benford was a real Commander, just like Commander Riker.

You can’t knock Royal Navy submarines, Quinns.

Quinns: I wasn–

Paul: While everyone else was posturing with their toys in the cold war, the RN was the only service that ever actually used a nuclear submarine to sink an enemy warship. This man comes from one heck of a pedigree, AND his game’s asymmetric! You like those.

Quinns: Wait a second. I’ve checked his profile on BoardGameGeek and he’s definitely not a Will Riker.

Paul: It’s Games News time! Welcome, everybody, welcome. Please, come into my Games News hovel, the tiny hut in which I construct all of our Games News by hand, painstakingly assembling each tiny cog, ratchet and spring, bent over my work from dawn to dusk.

Today’s Games News is a special, post GenCon Games News, with no loud noises or big names. Instead, we’ve worked hard to bring you a few what you might call artisanal news pieces. Some are funny, some are very serious, but they are all the choicest pieces of news. Nobody brings you better Games News than Shut Up & Sit Down.

Quinns: So let’s start with some candles.

Quinns: “The best four days in gaming” (or at least the most ludicrous) are just around the corner! Following our inaugral expedition last year, team SU&SD will once again be heading to Gen Con to meet strange new beverages, play some strangers and drink deeply of new games.

If you’re going too, we’ve got a couple of events for you to attend!

You can now buy tickets for our Second Ever Live Podcast! This time we’re expecting working microphones, although we’ve been downgraded from a 300 person room to 250 people. Next year we’ll get our heads around Gen Con’s arcane ticketing system, we promise, followed by a live breakdown in front of 1,000 people.

No tickets whatsoever are required for our PARTY, though! Tomlinson’s Tap Room (pictured above) is once again opening its doors to us and anyone who’d like to meet us from 7pm to 11pm on Friday 31st. Last year we ran Two Rooms and a Boom and then wandered around playing games people had brought. This year? Who knows! I’m threatening to run Still Life but the others will talk me out of it if they know what’s best.

We hope to see you there. x

Quinns: Paul, wake up. It’s time to do the Games News again! This week, we have all sorts of interesting things. There’s technology and Italians and convention news! Hurry up, we can’t dally!

Paul: Oh boy, was I sleeping? Why was I sleeping?

Quinns: I got excited about Flick ‘Em Up and threw a wooden chopping board at your head.

Paul: Flick ’em Up? The wild west dexterity game you spotted back at the Gathering of Friends (that we weren’t invited to)?

Quinns: The very same. Professional press photos have been released, and first time publishers Pretzel Games has already announced an expansion adding horses, lassos and ramps!

Paul: This is a disaster. How much food do we have left? How many days can we go? Will we even get rescued out here?

Quinns: I’m sure it’ll be fine, just keep sending up the flares and don’t put any limbs in the water. Look, I managed to salvage a few of the more intact parts of Matt, which we can probably cook, and then there’s the…

Paul: What?

Quinns: The Games News. I’m really sorry, Paul. We’re going to have to eat the Games News.

Paul: Atop a distant hill, reaching up toward the last, fading stars of the velvet night, barely visible in the pre-dawn glow, stands the temple to Games News.

Here, sat amongst the heavy and heady odours of swirling incense, stepping between the gigantic columns erected in times long forgotten, Shut Up & Sit Down’s many devoted acolytes cast bones, call out prayers and perform blood sacrifices in the hope of discovering what cardboard miracles will be delivered unto us in the weeks and months ahead.

Quinns: Join with us now as we row out over a briny waves toward those distant chants, as we step onto that rocky promontory and weave amongst the hairless worshippers as they perform their secret and arcane rites. Tread soft and bring no light, for this is a holy land which we all despoil when our sinful tongues even mention its name.

“Don’t be scared,” you hear me cry, straining over the oars. “It’s been a long journey, but you’ll get your Zombicide news soon enough.”

Quinns: Today I’m joined by Matt, who’s finally played Machi Koro!

Matt: What does “Machi Koro” mean in English, Quinns?

Quinns: “Give Me a 4 You Useless Sodding Dice or I’m Melting You In the Microwave.” But I don’t just want to talk about Machi Koro today! I want to talk about the new Harbor expansion.

Matt: What does “Harbour” mean in English, Quinns?

Quinns: It doesn’t have a direct translation, but you could say “Den of Lost Souls.” But let’s start with a quick reminder of why the base game is so delightful, and why people should think about buying it if they haven’t already.

Quinns: Hello everybody! Take your seats, the show’s about to begin.

We get sent twice as many games as we review on SU&SD. We cover the good games and set fire to the bad ones, but there’s a sort of purgatory in between of games that don’t get reviewed and pile up in my corner.

Maybe a game’s too interesting for me to burn it. Maybe it’s too similar to something we just reviewed. This is what lead to 2013’s Rapid Review Special Episode– a big, weird release valve of a video that let me reclaim my corner for a hot minute and put a pot plant there.

That time has come again. Today, SU&SD is proud to present no less than seven reviews of the best and weirdest games to be found in my corner.

Paul: So I’ve been looking at the Games News Style Guide don’t like the idea of Games News “coming at you” because that gives me the impression of some sort of oncoming, impending, unstoppable, inevitable, colossus of a thing that rolls through your front door. You know, sort of like…

Quinns: A monster? A disaster?

Paul: Right. And I don’t want people to associate us with disasters.

Quinns: No, I want Games News to be the opposite of a disaster. What’s the opposite of a disaster? A… a balm. I want Games News to be a sort of gentle, soothing, relaxing experience. I want Games News to be something you can rub all over your body to make your day infinitely better. Yeah, that’s right. So, with that in mind, let’s give our readers things they would just love to smear all over themselves. Like these Mage Wars tiles.

Quinns: Paul, I’ve got great news!

Paul: Russia’s pulling out of Ukraine?

Quinns: No, I… we got an email from a reader called Timothy Meyer. He says-

Paul: The Western Black Rhino is no longer extinct?

Quinns: STOP IT he heard from Ystari customer service that the legendary Consulting Detective expansions, previously available only in French, will be arriving in English in January 2016!

New cases are coming! Don’t bury your copies of the phenomenal Sherlock Holmes game just yet.

Paul: I have taken a lot of medicine in a huge overreaction for what might be a very mild cold so let’s do this how could this news possibly go wrong there was caffeine in those painkillers I am so up for this let’s-

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