Ava: Tom, Tom, bring me a mug of hot lemon and ginger, a feather boa and five microphones.
Tom: Oh no.
Ava: That’s right! It’s time for BOADGAMESMNEWNS KAKAOAROAKE
Tom: Those aren’t real words!
Ava: When you flick at a fox and you write in a box
Tom: THAT’S SO-NO-RA!
Ava: Sit down, esteemed guests, grab a stool and join us for the launch of the Literary Review of Games News. The place to go for the wittiest, smuggiest, and dare I say the most Lacanian dissection of play this side of Freud’s own daycare centre.
Tom: Brace yourselves for some nuanced analysis, enlightening discourse and an intellectual rigour that hasn’t been seen since my failure to get into art school.
Ava: I mean we’re just going to name drop a bunch of fancy theorists, talk in a haughty voice and smoke French cigarettes, right?
Tom: Don’t tell them that! The important thing is that we’ll feel superior.
Ava: We will. Let’s get to the news, dear friend.
Ava: Welcome… to the Newsdome! And welcome our latest challenger, Tom Brewster, despoiler of news.
Tom: I WILL RIDE THE CARDBOARD CHARIOT OF NEWS INTO THE SUN.
Ava: Okay Tom, calm down a second, this is just what we call a riff.
Tom: TWO NEWS ENTER! ONE NEWS LEAVE!
Ava: *pinches nose* That’s not how this works! Not to mention I’m definitely Tina Turner in this situation. Let’s just write about some games.
Tom: MEDIOCRE.
Ava: Oh my word, would you look at that, a whole fresh new year, hot out of the oven, gently cooling on the windowsill. The year is 2020, and I’m still hungry for news. Let’s cut a slice off the still-warm year, and spread some tasty melted news all over it.
Fort, coming soon from Leder Games, is an update to fellow four-lettered card game SPQF, with cuddly classical empires swapped for rival neighbourhood tree-forts. I skipped over this when it first got announced, but artist Kyle Ferrin has been posting some really lovely pieces of art and it gives me an opportunity to right that wrong.
Ava: Twas the news before Christmas, and all through the office,
Not a creature was newsworthy, not even the…..boffice????
I should’ve thought more carefully before I started that. But it’s the end of the year, the UK election last week was horrible, and I’m pretty sure British culture is entirely built up on the principle of phoning it in on the last day at work (and failing to own up to the horrors of our colonial past).
Quinns: Ava, don’t talk about phoning it in at work while I’m here! I didn’t get you a Christmas present, but if I *had* I would now pitch it out of my window, in anger.
Ava: Let’s get this news down this chimney, and hope someone’s left us a mince pie and a carrot.
Ava: The rest of the team is in something called ‘Philadelphia’, so they left me to sweep up the last crumbs of pre-Christmas news. Only it’s not crumbs at all, there’s big news, weird news, premature news, barely news, local news and even some bad news. Pull up a chair and settle yourself down, let’s tuck into a big old roast news, stuffed with newslings and with all the greasiest news-trimmings.
Oh my word would you look at that. The biggest game in games is getting a frosty full-fat follow-up. Gloomhaven is heading north and getting a lot colder (which I can relate to, as I moved to Yorkshire three years ago).
Ava: Happy December, my beautiful news-children. It’s the season of barging around shops, loads of social obligations, wrapping up work and presents, slow news days, and it being really, really hard to stay sober. This week we’re focussing on what I optimistically like to call ‘presents for your future self’, but might more accurately be called ‘gambling on games that have limited incentive to actually be good because they’ve already sold out their stock before they started production’.
Sorry about the cynicism, honestly. I have a finite amount of Christmas Cheer, so I have to be really grumpy for most of December in order to still have some in reserve for the actual festive period. It won’t last all month, I secretly love Christmas.
Ava: QUINNS QUINNS I’M ON A TRAIN!
Quinns: You’re writing the news from a train? I–
Ava: CHOO CHOO!
Quinns: I’m so glad you’re–
Ava: NEWS NEWS!
Quinns: Ok, I’m now looking forward to the wi-fi dropping you in about eight seconds.
Ava: CHOO CH-
Ava: Ooh hoo hoo. It’s late in the day for a news harvest, but I’m sure there’s still some pickings out in the fields. Let’s have a little news-pumpkin fesitval and think about chickens, gems, memories, moods, pretty mosaics, old worlds, new boats, weird moons and sadness.
Ooh I’ve gone autumnal maudlin. Let’s see if BoardGameGeek can shake me out of it.
Due to a clash with BGG Con, head honcho W Eric Martin won’t be making it to the Tokyo Game show this year. This is a shame as his tour of the Japanese game design scene is always pretty exciting. Instead he’s giving us a long distance roundup of just a few games.
Quinns: Woo! I don’t know what your weekend was like, Ava, and I don’t want to be coy, but I played a *very* large board game that I’ll be covering in our big, year-end blowout review.
Ava: How large are we talking?
Quinns: OK, imagine how big a board game should be.
Ava: *closes eyes* I’m doing it.
Quinns: It’s even bigger than that!
Ava: Oh my.