Reviews 19 - Shut Up & Sit Down

Review: Tokaido

Paul: There are two game designers that we’re big fans of here at SUSD towers, designers whose pictures we’ve hung on our walls, whose altars we’ve erected in our rooms, and if you know us well, you know that we don’t erect things very often.

Antoine Bauza is one such designer deserving of our erections and you may well have seen us talking excitedly about two of his games before. We’re big fans of the co-op spirit-buster that is Ghost Stories and way, way back in our fourth episode we reviewed 7 Wonders, a fantastic city-building card game that’s brilliant for both beginners and even the most jaded of experienced players. Antoine has a fine pedigree.

Quinns: And now we’ve got Tokaido, a lush, luminous and lovely game that’s about nothing more than taking a long walk across Japan.

Paul: And spoiling that walk for everyone else.

Quinns: Perhaps you’re aware of a little game called ECLIPSE? It erupted out of Finland two years ago like some dark alien life-form, intent on devouring the world’s leisure time.

I am proud to say that I have done battle with this alien (is this analogy working?) and my review has JUST THIS MOMENT gone live on Eurogamer. It starts like this:

“This game was 2012’s biggest release, and it couldn’t be more deserved. Eclipse’s masterstroke was in taking a genre with a portentous appeal – claiming star systems, climbing hand over hand up a grandiose tech tree, engaging in HOT LASER DEATH – and compressing it down into just two hours using the same dark Scandinavian genius that brought us flatpacked Ikea furniture.”

…and it continues, using words.

In all seriousness, a lot of people called Eclipse 2012’s single biggest release. If you’re curious, you should absolutely go and have a little read. And then maybe have a little buy. Alright, a big buy.

But let me tell you- this one is absolutely worth it. Any of you guys tried the expansion?

[Since Mark Wallace’s Actual Board Game Journalism went down so well, we’ve decided he’s allowed to stick around. For now.

But he’s not out of the woods yet, with his fancy words and professionalism. He has to earn his porridge, potatoes and time above ground, so we dispatched him to review Merchant of Venus, a gorgeous-looking Fantasy Flight remake we’ve had our eye on for a while. How might he fare… with a review?]

Mark: If you think of yourself as a certain type of freewheeling gamer, you’ll like the sound of an interstellar commerce game that comes complete with spacelane pirates, racial technologies, first contact with far-off cultures, and an alien salesman who needs a lift to the Volois’ system after waking up hungover on the Zums’ delicious chicle liquor.

Yes, you say to yourself, I’m ready to blast off into space! I can’t wait to buy low and sell high! I’ve been searching for a game of “space exploration and interstellar trade for 1-4 players,” as it says on the Merchant of Venus box (which happens to be decorated with some really outstanding art from someone called Alex Aparin). Let’s go!

(After the SU&SD primer on wargames earlier this month, Brendan’s refusing to go back to Matt Thrower’s house, which is strange. He seems very nice. This time we sent Paul to visit, for a closer look at an adorable little entry wargame.)

Thrower: Do come in. You may leave your shoes on if you wish. I lost a caltrop earlier.

Paul: Thank you so much for the dinner invite! It smells delicious.

Thrower: You’re welcome. Some of my oldest survival rations were beginning to moulder.

Paul: I… oh. What’s that box, there, buried under the camouflage netting? Wait, why is there camouflage netting in your kitchen?

Thrower: I’m glad you asked about the box. That’s my newest game, The Last King of Scotland. I was hoping we might play while dinner finished.

Paul: Now Quinns, I know you’re still obsessed with Mage Wars-

Quinns: WIZARD! Oh my God did you read the part where your spells-

Paul: But if you don’t mind, I want to INTERJECT with an alternative game people could buy this week. Something sleeker and easier, that I think anyone can play, not just the people who wanted to be manticores when they grew up.

Quinns: I don’t understand. Are you still coming over tonight? I wove you a beard to wear out of my armp-

Paul: I’m SAYING I’m coming over, but I’m bringing Libertalia instead. I want to recommend this one to everyone. I think it’s really quite special.

Quinns: oh my god what’s going on where am i

Paul: HELLO.

Quinns: GOD WHAT’S HAPPENED TO YOUR FACE

Paul: So I hear you’ve been playing the new Descent without me.

Quinns: Look I-

Paul: I think it’s time we had a chat, don’t you? Would you like to sit down?

Quinns: I can’t sit down because you’ve amputated my bum and also I’m hanging from a hook.

Paul: Then let us begin.

Quinns: I’ve reviewed Mansions of Madness on the Eurogamer! Anyone interested in just how ambitious a board game can be should read this one. Or anyone interested in a couple of private stories from our gaming table.

“I’ll never forget the time my friend played team psycho Michael McGlen. He idly wandered into a shed, alone, where the Keeper deployed about six cards in a comedic level of bullying. Two turns later Michael ran out of the same shed with a back injury, no shotgun and a crippling fear of the rest of us, whereupon the shed promptly exploded.”

Paul: YOU PROMISED YOU WOULDN’T TALK ABOUT THE HORRORSHED.

Quinns is right, though. This is a very strange, but hugely impressive game that everyone should know about, even if it’s just to steer clear. Go read!

[Introducing friend of SU&SD and games journalist Leigh Alexander.]

Quinns: So here’s what happened.

Leigh: OK.

Quinns: A while back some SU&SD readers joked that we should review Tease: The Liberating Game for Couples and Groups. I got in touch with the PR

Leigh: Oh, I’ll bet you did.

Quinns: I GOT IN TOUCH WITH THE PR, who said she wasn’t sure they
should send a game to a site that would probably just make fun of it. Which was a fair cop. I just wanted to do a video where four men play Tease and are forced to give one another massages.

Except then they sent me the game anyway! And… it’s… pretty good!

Paul: How’s your tux?

Quinns: A little tight. How’s yours?

Paul: I went with the dress. It was cheaper. HELLO, ladies and
gentlemen, boys and antiboys. It’s time for our top 5 games of 2012, which will almost certainly be as well-organised and halcyon as our top 10 Upcoming Games of 2012 feature, which ended up being 14 games, none of which we agreed on.

Quinns: Step this way, banishing all preconceptions from your mind, AND ALSO any thoughts that this feature is three months later. And let’s kick things off with…

Review: Robinson Crusoe - Adventure on the Cursed Island

You know when you buy a game, and you know it’s going to be good?

“This will be a great time,” you announce to your cactus or spouse. “I have been convinced by this game’s art and premise that I will enjoy myself.”

Your coat’s still on. You pick up the phone. “Barry?” You say. “It’s me. Would you like to come over and have a great time?”

I was convinced Robinson Crusoe was the game for me. Guess what!

Review: Tokaido

Review: Eclipse

Review: Merchant of Venus

Review: Last King of Scotland

Review: Libertalia

Review: Descent 2nd Edition

Review: Mansions of Madness

Review: Tease

Our Belated Top 5 Games Of 2012

Review: Robinson Crusoe – Adventure on the Cursed Island

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