Shut Up & Sit Down

Review: Snake Oil

the desire mouth, murder by pyjamas, "custard creams", surprise scorpions

Brendan: Hey, Paul. Would you like to buy some of this?

Paul: What is it?

Brendan: It’s Snake Oil. It is made from snakes and it is an incredibly potent remedy for all sorts of ailments, from headaches to baldness.

Paul: I’ll take ten!

Brendan: But wait because all is not as it seems. You see –

Paul: Twenty!

Brendan: No Paul, because Snake Oil is not actually –

Paul: Just take my wallet, my PIN is 1234! Now give me that!

Brendan: No, Paul, stop! Just listen to me for one second! Come back. I need that box. It’s a board game I’m supposed to review. Paul! Paul? Nope, he’s gone.

62 Comments

Games News! 05/05/14

lovely jubblies, real-life ghosts, glue savings, cheeky bugglers, namby pambys

Quinns: I used Uber for the first time last night, which is a great service if you want your life to stop making sense. Summoning a car out of the ether like a fat metal pokémon? Chatting to the driver and getting a five star rating as a passenger? Madness. Naturally, my thoughts this morning are all polite chauffeurs and luxurious leather interiors, so I’d like to invite you all into the Games News Taxi.

‘Ello there! Where you off to? Kickstarter Plaza, is it? Lot of dodgy blokes down there, mate. Lot of chancers. You look like a classy sort, not that it ain’t not none of my business, mate.

Oh, look up there! That’s La Nuit du Grand Poulpe, that is. It’s comes out in English later this year. Normally I feel funny about all these foreign games coming along, taking our shelf space, but I wouldn’t mind if they all looked this good, eh! Wouldn’t mind having a rummage around her inlay.

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Review: Theseus

beaks, alien salad, sweet sweet bailey's, flamethrowers, lotion, hives

What’s this? Looks like your donations weren’t enough, everybody. Paul and Quinns are now moonlighting as space marines. No way this could go wrong! Especially not in the spooky space-lanes of Theseus: The Dark Orbit.

This was one of the trickiest reviews we’ve done in some time. If we have any designers reading this, do you think you could make your games a little less distinctive, nuanced, rich and basically a bit worse? As critics, we’d really appreciate it.

EDIT: Audio gremlins now fixed!

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Assembly of the 2nd Gold Club Bag has BEGUN!

paper cuts, actual work, surprising competence, the power of sugar

HOT NEWS, everybody! If you noticed the site was a little quiet this week, it’s only because we’re assembling our second ever run of Gold Club bags. 1,900 hand-stamped envelopes, every one of them full of all manner of affordable prizes, as well as the actual fingerprints of team SU&SD.

Phew! The really crazy part, though, is that we’re getting the hang of it. If you missed this one, we’d definitely recommend you get in on the next. We’ll be re-opening donations in just a short while.

Thank you all so, so much. Oh, and those full episodes we promised in our first pledge drive? They’ll start arriving this month. The forum’s getting very close, too. Eee!

— Team SU&SD

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Games News! 28/04/14

mister cinnamon, the wizard lifestyle, tear stealers, billionaire banshees, beans

Quinns: No question what story we’ve got to lead with. Esteemed French board game developer Bruno Faidutti, developer of such silly yet sharp games as Mascarade and Red November, has released the above image on his blog.

A prototype of a game he calls “Emotion”, we know absolutely nothing about it, but look at it! Note the stopwatch around Bruno’s neck. The anguish he’s conveying. The disdain on the woman’s face. It’s either the game we were born to review, or the one that’ll kill us.

The same post informs us that Formula E, his gorgeous-looking elephant racing game, is almost upon us. How could we not love Monsieur Faidutti? You want emotions, he’s got ’em. You want elephants, he can provide. You want something else? Stop being so picky c’mon elephants are good and so are emotions

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The Opener: Pandemic, Expansions & Penicillin

hang on what if you go to brazil and I go to paris and you no crap we've lost

The Opener is back with another perfect game to start your board game night, your collection, or set your friends down the Cardboard Path. It’s Pandemic and penicillin! Meaning a whiskey cocktail called a penicillin. Going to your friends’ house and eating their mold colonies is not only unpalatable, it’s quite rude.

It might sound less attractive than Skull & Roses with fresh pizza, but you haven’t lived until you’ve had a great game of Pandemic. Catching that redeye flight to Seoul, praying you can prevent an outbreak? Driving around Africa, crates of your precious cure rattling around in the back of your jeep? That’s the good stuff, and it gets even better with Pandemic: On the Brink, and even more nightmarish with Pandemic: In the Lab.

G’wan! Treat yourself and pick up a copy. No other game is this tense and rich, and yet this accessible.

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Review: Jungle Speed Safari

memorable injuries, fractured fingers & french frottage, hot potatoes, hotter brains

Quinns: What I love most about Jungle Speed Safari is your friends’ fear when you set it up. If there’s a rule the manual’s missing, it’s that you’ve got to play this up. “OK,” you announce, dealing out the game’s cards. “If you’re wearing rings, take them off. It’s impossible to get blood out of cards.”

“Funny joke,” says one of your friends. “That was a joke, right?”

“What?” you say, and then: “Can everybody see something purple in this room?”

Your friends look around, assess the room, their chairs. They start to panic. “What do you mean?” someone says. “What are the wooden things in the middle of the table? And what do these pictures on the cards mean? WHAT ARE WE PLAYING?”

“Shhh,” you say, pressing a finger to their lips. “Don’t be scared. It’ll all be over soon.”

66 Comments

The Very Best Introductory Wargames!

wargames, warboards, wararticles, warwords, warpaul, warwarwarwaraw

Paul: Hey Matt! Sorry to call unannounced. How are you? You’re looking well!

Thrower: What do you want?

Paul: Oh. I did kind of stop by to ask you a .. favour?

Thrower: I told you I could attach the beaks, I couldn’t take them off again.

Paul: NO! It’s that, well, you and I have been playing a lot of these wargames, and I …

Thrower: You’re enjoying them?

Paul: Is that it? Yes! I’m enjoying them. The strategy’s so absorbing, the theme so transporting. I was hoping you might be able to perhaps suggest a few I could try with people who aren’t … you?

115 Comments

Hot Games! 21/04/14

robot rebels, nanoplagues, holobabies, maybe chocolate will be better in the future

Quinns: Are you enjoying your Easter break? Did you have an egg hunt? I’m doing an egg hunt right now! Except instead of eggs it’s news, and instead of chocolate there are no eggs. I mean, no news.

But like Jesus, I’ve got a plan! This week we’ll look at the top six games on BoardGameGeek’s “hotness” sidebar, which shows the games that users have been clicking on the most. Like Easter chocolate, this will be initially exciting, slightly tasteless, and maybe just a bit sickening.

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Some Tips for Rules Explanations!

the domain of dwarves, the rules of rules, the law of laphroaig

What’s the ultimate test of any board game night? No, it’s not your friend getting their arm trapped down the back of a radiator while recovering a lost meeple. That had us scared, but a little olive oil sorted Brendan right out. We’re talking about rules explanations.

We get a ton of questions about the best way to teach rules, so we’ve put together the above video. Teaching rules is going to be most people’s first ever exposure to this hobby. And exposing your friends is, of course, serious business.

What are your best tips to teach games, readers?

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