Shut Up & Sit Down

Games News! 04/11/13

15 year olds, stow your bum, Russian railyways, restart.quinns

The Shut Up & Sit Down Supercomputer: I have spent the week exhaustively probing and sampling the corpses of Quinns and Paul, and have arrived at a conclusion: They are still dead. Therefore I shall continue to transmit the “Games News” as if they were not. I recommend that you all perform the human act of “denial”, as it sounds quite soothing.

Paul: Good morning everybaby!

Quinns: Paul, I cannot believe this. You will remember that two months ago I performed such that the people should buy real-time game Escape: The Curse of the Temple.

Paul: I remember it well, it made me birth eight giggles from my larynx.

Quinns: What a friend. But this week Queen Games has announced Escape from Zombie City. A tremendously similar game of rolling dice and escaping zombies, this time taking 15 minutes instead of 10. Just after I told everyone to buy the first Escape!

Paul: That is the limit!

Quinns: Stow your bum! This story gets even crazier.

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The Unaired SU&SD Pilot

q-pop, cold salad, cool beans, absolutely good, full-on rad

Look what we found! The unaired SU&SD pilot from 1974! And reviewing such contemporary board games! Crazy.

Watch as the boys take their first halting steps through the gorgeous Legends of Andor, and stick it to the man with a look at two titles from Victory Point Games’ catalogue: Darkest Night and Moonbase Alpha. You might remember VPG as the small publisher Quinns talked about earlier in the year, whose games come with a complimentary napkin.

Keep on rocking, guys.

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Review: Betrayer’s Banquet

Agricola champions, Greenpeace activists, chocolatey Fagins

[Good news, everyone! We were clearing out Quinns’ stuff and we found something he was apparently too scared to publish. By way of showing respect, we’ve published it here in full.]

I’ll be honest, I didn’t really want to write about this event. In the words of one of the people I ate with, I come out looking like a “c*nt.”

Last month SU&SD was invited to the Betrayers’ Banquet, another London-based installation, perhaps a little sexier than Pip’s recent adventures of being locked in a room for an hour. It is, essentially, Satan’s dinner party. At one end of the table you’re served course after course of wonderful food. Down at the bottom, you get inedible slop. But you can improve (or potentially ruin) your position by engaging in the prisoner’s dilemma with the diner sat opposite you.

As a pro boardgamer, surely this would go well for me. Surely.

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Podcast #10: Pirates & Politics

straightforward men, black spots, space ship gear sticks, unconventional wizardry

What’s this? A scant three weeks since the last SU&SD podcast, a new one has slipped into the world like a newborn babe: Dirty, noisy, desperate for attention and a little bit intimidating. We’ve got so, so much chatter in this one. We’ve got new releases like Dread Curse, Cube Quest and Legends of Andor. … Read more

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Autumn Pledge Season Stretch Goals!

canals, blu-rays, exoticism, 45 minutes, that's almost an hour

HELLO everybody! Some news: We’ve just released the stretch goals for our Autumn pledge season.

Let’s quickly go over what this means for the site. Thanks to your incredible generosity, SU&SD won’t just continue. It’ll grow. We’re now able to pay our freelancers a reasonable wage, upgrade our camera, microphones and lights, put out more content, and upgrade the features of the site itself. Your forum? It’s coming, as well as so, so much more.

In other words, we have the money we need. Stretch goals, then, are us getting extravagant. A lot of you want a return to SU&SD’s old, action-packed, 45 minute, music-filled episodes. This is your chance to fund them, as well us let us make your own Gold Club bags a little heavier.

One last thing- an awful lot of you have done the noble thing and subscribed to SU&SD, meaning we have some pledge money that’ll be coming in, that’s not yet in the donations total. So, we may have broken one of these stretch goals already. Maybe. Just saying.

Thanks again, everybody. We love you so much. Thanks to you, 2014’s going to be even better.

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Games News! 28/10/13

babies

The Shut Up & Sit Down Supercomputer: Greetings, organic viewing entities. According to my calculations, your level of pleasure will see measurable increase if I transmit to you “Games News” written in the style of the late Quintin Smith and Paul Dean. Data analysis suggests their loss was a sad one. Projections suggest that, in time, they could be adequately replaced if we manufacture enough babies.

Babies.

In the meantime I shall accurately simulate their behaviours using precisely calculated projections.

Paul: First on our babies news: Recently reviewed magical board game Seasons has a baby coming, in the form of the expansion Path of Destiny.

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Review: Seasons

where crystals come from, dribbling disasters, lewisham, necromancy, wizards

Apologies for all the murder that’s been going on this week. It’s very inconvenient. Can Seasons, a game of great wizardy, set things right, or is there only worse to come?

We’re also proud to present the return of Boardgaming with Brendan, and our long-awaited concept review of Dominant Species! Maybe not having Quinns around isn’t so bad after all.

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Thank you!

thanks, thank you, gratitude, appreciation

Donors, supporters and subscribers, we want to thank you all. This week, Shut Up & Sit Down reached its funding goal. It hasn’t taken us very long to get there and, quite frankly, we’re bowled over by your enthusiasm and your encouragement. Many of you haven’t just donated, you’ve subscribed, meaning your continued pledges will make an enormous difference to us and to the time that we can give to SUSD.

We’re already thinking about stretch goals and what else we can offer. Don’t forget that, if you’ve pledged to us, we’re keen to hear your feedback on where you want us to focus. In the meantime, we’ll keep on doing what we’re doing, under the watchful eye of our all-powerful boss, Reference Pear.

Thank you again, all of you. You’ve made us feel very special.

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Review: Sekigahara

Garden of Tranquility, fish fingers, Grasshopper, vengeful ghost

Paul: Matt, of all the things I might expect to find in the center of your house, a tranquil Japanese water garden wasn’t high on the list.

Thrower: An old, silent pond. A frog jumps into the pond. Splash! Silence again.

Paul: What? Where? I don’t see any frogs. I hate frogs. I had an experience once as a child where, in my shorts, I f-

Thrower: It’s a haiku, you great galumphing gajin. This is my garden of tranquility where I retreat occasionally, from the furious violence of my day-to-day life, to meditate. Some people find peace and focus in the ancient game of Go. But personally I find it intensely pointless and profoundly annoying. So instead I’m playing its nearest wargame equivalent, Sekigahara.

Paul: Oh, bless you. Here’s a handkerchief.

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Games News! 21/10/13

Woodlice, Have some linguini, Romulan Minicab, it's not a TARDIS

Paul: Ah yes, the games news chair. Easier to slip into than I first thought and… still warm? OH HELLO, I didn’t see you all there. Come in. Have some linguini.

Things are a little bit quieter on the games news front this week, no doubt because the industry as a whole is taking a deep breath and preparing to exhale all its most exciting announcements at Spiel 2013, that grandest of board gaming fairs, only four days hence. Still, I’ve spent my day grabbing every publisher in turn and shaking them until something exciting fell out. Here’s what I picked up off the floor. A respectful nod must also be given to both the exhaustive BGG News blog and also the fine Meople’s Magazine, both of whom we’ve turned to for help with our news.

So, let’s start with a very nice story indeed.

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