Shut Up & Sit Down

Review: Betrayer’s Banquet

Agricola champions, Greenpeace activists, chocolatey Fagins

[Good news, everyone! We were clearing out Quinns’ stuff and we found something he was apparently too scared to publish. By way of showing respect, we’ve published it here in full.]

I’ll be honest, I didn’t really want to write about this event. In the words of one of the people I ate with, I come out looking like a “c*nt.”

Last month SU&SD was invited to the Betrayers’ Banquet, another London-based installation, perhaps a little sexier than Pip’s recent adventures of being locked in a room for an hour. It is, essentially, Satan’s dinner party. At one end of the table you’re served course after course of wonderful food. Down at the bottom, you get inedible slop. But you can improve (or potentially ruin) your position by engaging in the prisoner’s dilemma with the diner sat opposite you.

As a pro boardgamer, surely this would go well for me. Surely.

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Podcast #10: Pirates & Politics

straightforward men, black spots, space ship gear sticks, unconventional wizardry

What’s this? A scant three weeks since the last SU&SD podcast, a new one has slipped into the world like a newborn babe: Dirty, noisy, desperate for attention and a little bit intimidating. We’ve got so, so much chatter in this one. We’ve got new releases like Dread Curse, Cube Quest and Legends of Andor. … Read more

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Autumn Pledge Season Stretch Goals!

canals, blu-rays, exoticism, 45 minutes, that's almost an hour

HELLO everybody! Some news: We’ve just released the stretch goals for our Autumn pledge season.

Let’s quickly go over what this means for the site. Thanks to your incredible generosity, SU&SD won’t just continue. It’ll grow. We’re now able to pay our freelancers a reasonable wage, upgrade our camera, microphones and lights, put out more content, and upgrade the features of the site itself. Your forum? It’s coming, as well as so, so much more.

In other words, we have the money we need. Stretch goals, then, are us getting extravagant. A lot of you want a return to SU&SD’s old, action-packed, 45 minute, music-filled episodes. This is your chance to fund them, as well us let us make your own Gold Club bags a little heavier.

One last thing- an awful lot of you have done the noble thing and subscribed to SU&SD, meaning we have some pledge money that’ll be coming in, that’s not yet in the donations total. So, we may have broken one of these stretch goals already. Maybe. Just saying.

Thanks again, everybody. We love you so much. Thanks to you, 2014’s going to be even better.

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Games News! 28/10/13

babies

The Shut Up & Sit Down Supercomputer: Greetings, organic viewing entities. According to my calculations, your level of pleasure will see measurable increase if I transmit to you “Games News” written in the style of the late Quintin Smith and Paul Dean. Data analysis suggests their loss was a sad one. Projections suggest that, in time, they could be adequately replaced if we manufacture enough babies.

Babies.

In the meantime I shall accurately simulate their behaviours using precisely calculated projections.

Paul: First on our babies news: Recently reviewed magical board game Seasons has a baby coming, in the form of the expansion Path of Destiny.

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Review: Seasons

where crystals come from, dribbling disasters, lewisham, necromancy, wizards

Apologies for all the murder that’s been going on this week. It’s very inconvenient. Can Seasons, a game of great wizardy, set things right, or is there only worse to come?

We’re also proud to present the return of Boardgaming with Brendan, and our long-awaited concept review of Dominant Species! Maybe not having Quinns around isn’t so bad after all.

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Thank you!

thanks, thank you, gratitude, appreciation

Donors, supporters and subscribers, we want to thank you all. This week, Shut Up & Sit Down reached its funding goal. It hasn’t taken us very long to get there and, quite frankly, we’re bowled over by your enthusiasm and your encouragement. Many of you haven’t just donated, you’ve subscribed, meaning your continued pledges will make an enormous difference to us and to the time that we can give to SUSD.

We’re already thinking about stretch goals and what else we can offer. Don’t forget that, if you’ve pledged to us, we’re keen to hear your feedback on where you want us to focus. In the meantime, we’ll keep on doing what we’re doing, under the watchful eye of our all-powerful boss, Reference Pear.

Thank you again, all of you. You’ve made us feel very special.

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Review: Sekigahara

Garden of Tranquility, fish fingers, Grasshopper, vengeful ghost

Paul: Matt, of all the things I might expect to find in the center of your house, a tranquil Japanese water garden wasn’t high on the list.

Thrower: An old, silent pond. A frog jumps into the pond. Splash! Silence again.

Paul: What? Where? I don’t see any frogs. I hate frogs. I had an experience once as a child where, in my shorts, I f-

Thrower: It’s a haiku, you great galumphing gajin. This is my garden of tranquility where I retreat occasionally, from the furious violence of my day-to-day life, to meditate. Some people find peace and focus in the ancient game of Go. But personally I find it intensely pointless and profoundly annoying. So instead I’m playing its nearest wargame equivalent, Sekigahara.

Paul: Oh, bless you. Here’s a handkerchief.

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Games News! 21/10/13

Woodlice, Have some linguini, Romulan Minicab, it's not a TARDIS

Paul: Ah yes, the games news chair. Easier to slip into than I first thought and… still warm? OH HELLO, I didn’t see you all there. Come in. Have some linguini.

Things are a little bit quieter on the games news front this week, no doubt because the industry as a whole is taking a deep breath and preparing to exhale all its most exciting announcements at Spiel 2013, that grandest of board gaming fairs, only four days hence. Still, I’ve spent my day grabbing every publisher in turn and shaking them until something exciting fell out. Here’s what I picked up off the floor. A respectful nod must also be given to both the exhaustive BGG News blog and also the fine Meople’s Magazine, both of whom we’ve turned to for help with our news.

So, let’s start with a very nice story indeed.

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The Halloween Special, 2013

quinns?, Mary Jane Kelly, Catherine Eddowes, Elizabeth Stride, Mary Ann Nichols

Halloween is close, now. Can you feel it? The sticky breath on the back of your neck? The bony hand on your thigh when all the lights are out? Getting higher… and higher…

Following on from Matt’s suggestion of Werewolf last week, Paul and Quinns are offering a couple more creepy gaming suggestions. Including one board game of a real life monster.

Happy Halloween, everybody. Stay safe.

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Review: DreadBall

surly neck-breakers, ridiculous fickles, proper sports, scrotums, scrotii?

[Everybody, please give a warm welcome to Matt Drake of stellar review site Drake’s Flames. Matt’s going to be dropping by from time to time with reviews of giddier board games than we usually cover- think miniatures, dice and prolonged whooping.

In other words, it’s his job to make sure SU&SD doesn’t disappear up its own bottom. Take it away, Matt!]

In the future, sporting events will be part displays of athletic prowess and part gladiator death matches. You will be able to watch your favorite player dodge past the defense to score a magnificent shot on the goal, and then you can watch your OTHER favorite player grab that first guy by the scrotum and throw him like a frisbee. This sport of the future will be called DreadBall, and it will be awesome.

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