Shut Up & Sit Down

Review – Western Empires

a 10000 year-old mosh pit, what is wine, putting the "fire" in fire sale

Gird your tabletops! Western Empires is the biggest game we’ve ever reviewed in both length and girth. A 9 player, 12 hour game? What could be bigger than that?

We’ll tell you what else. The combined game of Mega Empires, which you’ll be able to play when Eastern Empires releases in the near future. A game that the United Kingdom Department of Bigness and Sizeitude has gone on record as calling “Too Big”.

Also in the video is our new table from Geeknson! In fact, this exact table is on Kickstarter right now. You’ll find Quinns’ thoughts on that (and gaming tables in general) at the 18:04 mark of this video.

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GAMES NEWS! 25/05/2020

The Ellipsis Special, The Darkest Timeline, Everyone’s Going To The Pirate (have a real good time)

Mart Leez: is it time for news? I’m always up for newsing the news, but I’m worried my newses might be sad news or old news. There’s plenty more news in the sea. You salty newsdog. News of the World is my favourite Queen album. There’s no news without fire! I’m tired.

Ava: I think it might be time to put Mart to bed. Maybe you should read its favourite bedtime story. You know, the one about what streaming is happening over the next two weeks.

Tom: Ah yes, let me get that one down from the shelf. It’s called ‘This Tuesday We’ll Be Playing Fugitive with Tim Fowers, then on Thursday Matt will be playing some solo Print and Plays’. After that we could read the sequel? That one is called ‘Next Tuesday it’s Oceans with Dominic Crapuchettes.

Ava: Classic titles, one and all. Goodnight, sweet Mart. You were such a convenient joke.

Tom: I’ll get the pillow.

Ava: Hey everybody! It’s time for some news! Probably the biggest (games) news of the last week has been the most grimly inevitable. Yup, it’s official that both Gen Con and Essen Spiel are not going to happen this year, at least not in their traditional form.

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Podcast #110: The Death of Madeira 1000

An Instant Finale, Just Dice Doin’ Actions, Tiny Candles made of Children, Dude McBuff

Quinns, Tom and Ava voyage boldly into the great boardgame unknown, this time without Matt’s assistance on the technology side of things! The result? A podcast that’s deeply flawed. Am I going to triple-check the edit to make sure the audio isn’t slipping and sliding around, crashing into itself like an ouroboros of waveforms? I’m sure you’ll be able to guess the answer to that question by just listening to it.

This week, we get covered in eldritch goop while talking about Cthulhu: Death May Die, barraged by dice AND pirates in Madeira, turned into candles with a Thousand Year-Old Vampire, and utterly BAFFLED by the interlocking systems in The Defence of Procyon III! We’ll also be talking a little about the games we’ve looked at recently, and discussing that stream.

Have a great weekend, everybody!

Tap below for full timestamps and more info!

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Review – Watergate

A History Lesson, Spread Eagle Across The DNC, Nick's Son, Quinns sent me a take where he sucked on the cheeto and i've never been more disturbed

What’s that sound? Oh, it’s just Richard Nixon hurtling towards you at breakneck pace, making sure that you never say another word about his precious Watergates. Don’t trust the press, kids; those things are providing high-quality clean energy to all of America and the stories of ‘walls made of cardboard’ and ‘the electricity just powering a big slush puppy machine’ are completely false. And the boardgame of the same name? Don’t make me laugh.

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GAMES NEWS! 18/05/20

I actually found the Numinous Tarot to be fairly life changing leave me alone, Bacterial Boogaloo, Filthy Hendrix, International Dress In Your Local Train Livery Day

Matt: Hello! Before I hand over to my fictional robotic counterpart, I just wanted to point your attention towards the home of the new unofficial Shut Up & Sit Down forum. We unfortunately had to shut down the servers we were running ourselves, but we wish the new forum all of the best and would highly recommend getting over there for a good old gander – they really are a very lovely bunch. And without further ado, here’s a robot with my face and voice:

Mart Leez: This Tuesday, we’ve got Wingspan with Elizabeth Hargrave, and on Thursday Tom and Matt will be playing some “board games”! Then, next Tuesday, Matt will be playing some Fugitive with Tim Fowers, and having a cosy print-and-play session on Thursday. That’s all from me, your favourite LeesCorp information dispenser. Have a pleasant week!

Tom: Huh. It seems a lot more sprightly this week. Guess the repairs worked after all – I was worried that we’d have to naturally end Mart’s character arc after a slow degradation through relentless employee abuse. But hey – seems like it really is a ‘joke too convenient to kill’.

Ava: I guess that’s the benefit of having complete authorial power over a fictional construct.

Mart Leez: You know I can hear you, right?

Tom: Back in your box, Mart, there’s a news going on.

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MORE of the Very Best Solitaire Print’n’Play Games!

the marvellous murders of mr. magoo, free cream, one dead printer

This will come as no surprise to anyone who saw the child-like glint in Quinns’ eye during last month’s 1 player print’n’play roundup, but this week, we’d like to present even more nearly-free games for anyone to enjoy during self-isolation.

Included in this roundup are are spritely Agent Decker, the cleanly The Cleaner, the sprawling Sprawlopolis and the startlingly compact Under Falling Skies.

Enjoy, everybody.

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GAMES NEWS! 11/05/2020

Keep your goofs in the gaff, Too many pirates, Stand and de-liver, Step away from the testicles

Mart Leez: STREAM SCHEDULE. LORDS OF VEGAS WITH MIKE SELINKER: TUESDAY 12.05. FORGOTTEN WATERS WITH ISAAC VEGA: THURSDAY 14.05. WINGSPAN WITH ELIZABETH HARGRAVE TUESDAY 19.05. MISC. GAMES AND CHILLIN’ THURSDAY 21.05.

Ava: What on earth happened to Mart?

Tom: I’ve no idea, it looks like maybe taking an axe to it was a bad idea? It appears to be in some kind of safe mode.

Ava: Once we had a friend, now we have a spreadsheet. Oh woe is Mart, noblest LeesCorp employee, and the running joke too convenient to kill.

Tom: I’ve got a screwdriver, some duct tape and a spare liver in cold storage. I’ll see if we can keep it trucking on until we require its services once more.

Ava: Wait, whose liver have you got?

Time Captain: help

Tom: ONWARDS TO THE NEWS.

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Podcast #109: Waterboarded by Elves

A Filthy Gepetto, Let’s do the Time Warp Again Again and Again, An Editor’s Eye, Matt Lees: Ruling By Terra, Rootbot Wars

You, at the back! Was it you that ordered a chat sandwich? Was it with ramble bread and discussion filling – extra… stream schedule?

Look. I spent ages trying to make a joke about this podcast being ‘like a sandwich’ – with the strong base of classic Eurogames (Terra Mystica and Hansa Teutonica) wedged between the spicy hot filling of Root Underworld and Frosthaven. But there you see my problem; the filling is on the outside and the bread on the inside and that just ‘AINT a sandwich, chief. And then where does Mr Cabbagehead’s Garden fit in? The pieces are all there, but my brain won’t make them fit – the sandwich metaphor falls apart like a… like a… wet… sandwich. Dang it, just listen to the podcast.

This week’s episode is extra chunky and was a lot of fun to edit! I Hope YOU (yes, you!) enjoy, and have a great weekend!

Tap below for full timestamps and more info!

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Miniatures Game Review – Gaslands: Refueled

adult "vrooms", lucky slides, and a minigun-equipped schoolbus

Our miniatures correspondent, Eric Tonjes, returns! If you missed Eric’s most recent reviews, don’t miss him on Guild Ball, Necromunda: Underhive and Warhammer 40,000 (8th edition).

Eric: Gentlepeople, start your engines. It’s Eric here, back after a bit of a hiatus to talk about one of the most interesting miniatures games to come out in the last few years: Gaslands Refueled.

While rarely remarked upon, automobiles are deeply violent machines. This is true on the level of raw mechanics, as we strap ourselves into steel boxes that harness explosions in order to drag us at high velocity. They are also some of the most dangerous devices made available to the average consumer – globally, autos cause somewhere north of a million fatalities per year.

Little wonder, then, that they have created a niche genre where this violence is made explicit. In movies like Death Race and Mad Max and video games like the Twisted Metal series I played with gusto as a teen, spikes and guns are strapped to these death machines to make them, well, Machines of Death.

Gaslands seeks to transliterate vehicle violence to the tabletop. Set in a post-apocalyptic world where earth has been turned to a wasteland and its citizens compete in contests of vehicular mayhem in the hope of escape, it simulates the belching exhaust, squealing transmissions and rat-a-tat gunfire that my inner teenager still craves.

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GAMES NEWS! 04/05/20

Is French even real?, I hope at least someone here has read Fox in Socks sir, Best of the Asbestosis, Rest In Pieces Mart, Bullet♥︎

Mart Leez: Peoplethings! If you need a scheduled entertainment respite phase in and around your mandatory working and/or worrying hours, then fear not! Well actually, fear just a little. Our stream this Tuesday featuring Isaac Vega and the much talked-about Forgotten Waters has been pushed back until next Thursday, May 14th – but we’ll be live this Thursday with Ava, Quinns and The Real Matt Lees for a live game of Hansa Teutonica! Lock up your wooden discs, it’s all kicking off!

Ava: Mart, you can’t just start the news off by yelling at the peoplethings! We try to ease in with a gentle bit of repartee. Some bon mots, and at least one compound news-word. We’re a respectable news outlet, not some kind of angry town crier.

Tom: Ava, that’s bobbins. We just write the news and then come back here and blurt out the first thing that comes to mind.

Ava: Maybe, but we don’t shout.

Mart Leez: Apologies for the incorrectly pitched thought-velocities. I will try to bon up my mots for next week, and if there’s space I’ll pop a repartee up there as well. How’s this as a sample? “Hello Readers and welcome to the news-bike. We’ll be peddling this all the way through news-ville dispatching news-bundles into the laps of the populace, waiting and ready for their news-breakfast”

Tom: Ava, I have to kill it. It knows too much.

Ava: I’ll get the axe.

Mart Leez: 🙁

Ava: Spielworxx continues to be my go-to for impossibly heavy games with ridiculously particular themes, and they certainly don’t appear to be slowing that down.

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