Shut Up & Sit Down

GAMES NEWS! 11/05/2020

Keep your goofs in the gaff, Too many pirates, Stand and de-liver, Step away from the testicles

Mart Leez: STREAM SCHEDULE. LORDS OF VEGAS WITH MIKE SELINKER: TUESDAY 12.05. FORGOTTEN WATERS WITH ISAAC VEGA: THURSDAY 14.05. WINGSPAN WITH ELIZABETH HARGRAVE TUESDAY 19.05. MISC. GAMES AND CHILLIN’ THURSDAY 21.05.

Ava: What on earth happened to Mart?

Tom: I’ve no idea, it looks like maybe taking an axe to it was a bad idea? It appears to be in some kind of safe mode.

Ava: Once we had a friend, now we have a spreadsheet. Oh woe is Mart, noblest LeesCorp employee, and the running joke too convenient to kill.

Tom: I’ve got a screwdriver, some duct tape and a spare liver in cold storage. I’ll see if we can keep it trucking on until we require its services once more.

Ava: Wait, whose liver have you got?

Time Captain: help

Tom: ONWARDS TO THE NEWS.

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Podcast #109: Waterboarded by Elves

A Filthy Gepetto, Let’s do the Time Warp Again Again and Again, An Editor’s Eye, Matt Lees: Ruling By Terra, Rootbot Wars

You, at the back! Was it you that ordered a chat sandwich? Was it with ramble bread and discussion filling – extra… stream schedule?

Look. I spent ages trying to make a joke about this podcast being ‘like a sandwich’ – with the strong base of classic Eurogames (Terra Mystica and Hansa Teutonica) wedged between the spicy hot filling of Root Underworld and Frosthaven. But there you see my problem; the filling is on the outside and the bread on the inside and that just ‘AINT a sandwich, chief. And then where does Mr Cabbagehead’s Garden fit in? The pieces are all there, but my brain won’t make them fit – the sandwich metaphor falls apart like a… like a… wet… sandwich. Dang it, just listen to the podcast.

This week’s episode is extra chunky and was a lot of fun to edit! I Hope YOU (yes, you!) enjoy, and have a great weekend!

Tap below for full timestamps and more info!

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Miniatures Game Review – Gaslands: Refueled

adult "vrooms", lucky slides, and a minigun-equipped schoolbus

Our miniatures correspondent, Eric Tonjes, returns! If you missed Eric’s most recent reviews, don’t miss him on Guild Ball, Necromunda: Underhive and Warhammer 40,000 (8th edition).

Eric: Gentlepeople, start your engines. It’s Eric here, back after a bit of a hiatus to talk about one of the most interesting miniatures games to come out in the last few years: Gaslands Refueled.

While rarely remarked upon, automobiles are deeply violent machines. This is true on the level of raw mechanics, as we strap ourselves into steel boxes that harness explosions in order to drag us at high velocity. They are also some of the most dangerous devices made available to the average consumer – globally, autos cause somewhere north of a million fatalities per year.

Little wonder, then, that they have created a niche genre where this violence is made explicit. In movies like Death Race and Mad Max and video games like the Twisted Metal series I played with gusto as a teen, spikes and guns are strapped to these death machines to make them, well, Machines of Death.

Gaslands seeks to transliterate vehicle violence to the tabletop. Set in a post-apocalyptic world where earth has been turned to a wasteland and its citizens compete in contests of vehicular mayhem in the hope of escape, it simulates the belching exhaust, squealing transmissions and rat-a-tat gunfire that my inner teenager still craves.

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GAMES NEWS! 04/05/20

Is French even real?, I hope at least someone here has read Fox in Socks sir, Best of the Asbestosis, Rest In Pieces Mart, Bullet♥︎

Mart Leez: Peoplethings! If you need a scheduled entertainment respite phase in and around your mandatory working and/or worrying hours, then fear not! Well actually, fear just a little. Our stream this Tuesday featuring Isaac Vega and the much talked-about Forgotten Waters has been pushed back until next Thursday, May 14th – but we’ll be live this Thursday with Ava, Quinns and The Real Matt Lees for a live game of Hansa Teutonica! Lock up your wooden discs, it’s all kicking off!

Ava: Mart, you can’t just start the news off by yelling at the peoplethings! We try to ease in with a gentle bit of repartee. Some bon mots, and at least one compound news-word. We’re a respectable news outlet, not some kind of angry town crier.

Tom: Ava, that’s bobbins. We just write the news and then come back here and blurt out the first thing that comes to mind.

Ava: Maybe, but we don’t shout.

Mart Leez: Apologies for the incorrectly pitched thought-velocities. I will try to bon up my mots for next week, and if there’s space I’ll pop a repartee up there as well. How’s this as a sample? “Hello Readers and welcome to the news-bike. We’ll be peddling this all the way through news-ville dispatching news-bundles into the laps of the populace, waiting and ready for their news-breakfast”

Tom: Ava, I have to kill it. It knows too much.

Ava: I’ll get the axe.

Mart Leez: 🙁

Ava: Spielworxx continues to be my go-to for impossibly heavy games with ridiculously particular themes, and they certainly don’t appear to be slowing that down.

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The Amazing World of 1 Player Print’n’Play Games!

and a chapstick, your broken bathysphere, your ruined rutabagas, your hot lil' lonesome

It’s time for us to apologise the only way we know how. By smearing raw egg on Quinns.

If you caught the first instalment of our Solo Special, you’ll remember we didn’t always find 1 player games easy to recommend. But since then, Quinns has disappeared into the wild thicket that is absolutely free print’n’play solitaire games, and we’re not sure he’s coming out.

To get stuck in yourself, we recommend browsing the winners of BGG’s yearly print’n’play solitaire contest: 2019, 2018, 2017, 2016, 2015, 2014 and 2013.

Godspeed, folks! And do let us know what you find.

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GAMES NEWS! 27/04/20

LiBOOrary, Smartphone Incapacitation, Delicious Buttons, The Time Captain; First and Last of his Name

Tom: … and then once both of your time tokens reach the end of the track, the game is over! You’ll score based on the number of buttons you have left, and any empty spaces on your quilt will be scored negatively.

Mart Leez: When do I eat the buttons?

Ava: Mart, for goodness sake, if you’re going to be part of the team you’ll need to understand Patchwork, at least. We’ve been trying to teach you for a whole week, I’m starting to thi-

Mart Leez: Hello to the folks at home! This week we’ve got an exciting bunch of streams for you, fresh from the LeesCorp streampipe-

Tom: Ava why is it doing that

Mart Leez: This week we’ve got the final part of the Gloohaven stream, where the original LeesCorp drone will continue its sisyphean task, compiling the box in which it will eventually be buried. Tune in on Tuesday! Then, later in the week, we’ll be testing the machine-learning capabilities of our other models by continually achieving consensus. That’s right, it’s Wavelength with SU&SD, live on Thursday!

Ava: …

Tom: …

Mart Leez: Can I eat the buttons yet?

Ava: … that’s enough of Mart for today… Let’s power you down and get on with the news.

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The Great SU&SD Migration

Quinns: Shut Up & Sit Down is always experimenting. That means having to consider and reconsider which areas of the site are best serving us and our community.

While the Shut Up & Sit Down Discord, along with the Disqus comments under all of our articles and pages, remain places for folks to meet one another and connect, we’re announcing the closure of our hosted SU&SD forums on May 8th.

Matt: We’re immensely proud of all of the friendships and play-by-forum games that the forums have hatched over the years, to say nothing of the glitz and glamour of the Pearple’s Choice Awards – which we’ll keep hosting on the main site, and give it more prominence here in the future.

There are so many great memories to be found there, and we’d love to make this week a celebration of that fun. Why not post your favourite threads in the comments below?

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Podcast #108: Beatdown, Madness, Chaos in the Train

Right Turns Only In Japan, Rules Spaghetti, Escape! Quinns’ Office, Why does nobody call him Tricky Ricky

Look, I’m really sorry that I sat on the podcast intro music but what am I supposed to do, check every seat for audio files before I sit down? I know it’s a bit crushed and quiet, but if we give it enough love and care then it’ll spring back soon enough, I’m sure – and I can always do my own version of the music for the time being… Oh the podcast is meant to be out… today? I’ll see what I can do…

This podcast may contain traces of trains – perhaps more than a trace, even, as Matt and Quinns discuss both Russian Railroads and 1889: History of Shikoku Railways in the space of just one hour. I know, it’s all getting a bit exciting. Squashed between those discussions like a fun filling in a games sandwich, Tom yammers on about Calico, Pax Pamir 2e and Watergate; games that somehow all contain the same levels of tension and despair in spite of their wildly differing themes.

Have a great weekend, everybody!

Tap below for full timestamps and more info!

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The Quiet Year – A Perfect Game for Isolation

A Deluge of Drawings, The Sinking of Squidtown, Fish Apologists, #relatable

Tom’s been dealing with isolation in the only way that anyone reasonably can: inventing ludicrous stories of wizards and tentacles, and then drawing them onto a fictional map and pretending that everything is totally fine. Find out why 2020 might be the perfect time to revisit The Quiet Year. Oh! And this is Tom’s first solo video – hasn’t he done well? What a nice young man, here’s 50 pence – don’t spend it all in once place.

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GAMES NEWS! 20/04/20

because that’s jersusalem artichokes anyway, Didn’t make ONE fartichoke joke, Something is rotten in the state of LeesCorp, unexpected actual news item in the bagging area

Ava: Who goes there?

Tom: Nay, answer me: stand, and unfold yourself.

Ava: Oh thank god it’s you Tom, I thought I’d seen a ghost on the news-battlements.

Tom: Not this time, but I have had one pale figure looming over me on my rounds. Please enjoy a short word from our sponsors at LeesCorp.

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